How Do I Stop Overthinking? 14 Simple Practices to Rewire Your Mind
Overthinking is like thinking on steroids. It’s a wily beast that can invade our sleep, affect our decision-making ability, overwhelm us, and impact our relationships with ourselves and others.
The fact that we live in a highly overstimulating world where devices bring the relentless nuances of lives into our pockets contributes to the prevalence of overthinking. However, we do not have to suffer from overthinking or rumination.
We can employ some quick, down-and-dirty techniques and habits to establish/re-establish a calm mind and answer the question “How do I stop overthinking?”.
What Is Overthinking, and Why Do We Do It?
Overthinking occurs when the mind becomes stuck in a loop of ruminating on fear, worry, doubt, and other negative thoughts. This cycle often begins when something unknown or an unwanted emotion arises, and it can negatively impact decision-making, critical thinking, and personal wellness.
Understanding the roots and structure of overthinking reveals why unhooking from it or breaking free can be so challenging.
The Psychology Behind Overthinking
There are three causes of overthinking.
1) Hyper focus on how our actions impact loved ones.
2) A weakened self-esteem.
3) Following our mind down a disturbing rabbit hole.
1. Hyper Focus on How Our Actions Impact Loved Ones
When I was younger, and to some degree still, I didn’t feel free to express myself without running it through the program of “How is this going to land for _______?” Fill in the blank.
I was more focused on how what I said was received than on saying what I needed to say. I have often shared that, “After I was censored as a child, I’ve been censoring myself ever since.” Censoring how you express yourself requires overthinking. It’s so exhausting.
2. A Weakened Self-Esteem
Life circumstances, stages, and changes can temporarily dampen our self-esteem, making us vulnerable to overthinking. For example, I’m in the midst of transitioning from employee to entrepreneur at the age of 59.
While it’s exciting, it’s also terrifying because there are so many unknowns, and yes, my self-esteem is wobbly. This is prime ground for overthinking to rear up like a wild beast.
3. Following the Mind Down Eerie Paths
I often say, “I have a good imagination for bad things.”
When the mind is not distracted by anything in particular, it may go down a weird rabbit hole; if we follow it, we may find ourselves caught in the grips of something unpleasant and disturbing. This can happen to me when I listen to the news too close to bedtime, for instance.
One view of the world is that it’s a total and utter dumpster fire, and that if you don’t leave your country for another or make some big money fast, you’re doomed. Try not to ruminate on that after hearing about it before planning to lie down for a good night’s sleep; for most, it’s impossible not to.
Observing thoughts and the emotions that arise when overthinking with curiosity and non-judgement can offer you immediate relief. This can interrupt overthinking, allowing you to shift your attention and break the cycle.
The Brain Science Of Rumination
Throughout this post, I will use ‘rumination’ interchangeably with ‘overthinking,’ as they are very similar neurologically. Both occur in the prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain responsible for decision-making and introspection.
The stress we experience from ruminating/overthinking activates our sympathetic nervous system (fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses). During which we find it more difficult to make good decisions and take wise action, which contributes to a feeling of being stuck.
Those responses are necessary in emergencies, such as a wild animal approaching or a car coming straight at you.
Studies prove that prolonged activation of the sympathetic nervous system causes ongoing tension in our bodies, negatively impacting our health.
The body isn’t meant to remain in a state of emergency on an ongoing basis; the immense stress on the body will wear it down over time, making it more prone to disease.
Signs You’re Caught In An Overthinking Spiral
Overthinking affects our thoughts, feelings, body, and actions, often leaving us feeling like a dog chasing its tail.
Mental And Emotional Symptoms
When we ruminate, we experience relentless thoughts of the worst possible outcomes and of all the things that can go wrong; no solutions or light at the end of the tunnel exist here.
This onslaught of mental chatter produces anxiety, fear, self-doubt, and mental exhaustion. Other emotions people often feel when ruminating are: frustration, sadness, distress, and irritability.
Physical Symptoms
Some of the most common physical symptoms of overthinking are: jaw clenching, stiff neck, shoulder tension, headaches, and stomachaches. Also, it’s common to have trouble falling asleep, poor sleep quality, and feeling amped up even when you’re exhausted.
Behavior Patterns
When people overthink, they may act indecisively, appear flaky and insecure, struggle with communication, and seem overly sensitive. It’s hard to make decisions when you’re often second-guessing.
If you second-guess your decisions, then you may flake on plans or change your mind often. Feeling insecure is a byproduct of feeling indecisive and flaky.
If you censor what you say because of how it may land, then you are less likely to freely communicate your thoughts, ideas, and emotions. Because you may spend a lot of time replaying conversations, you may have a more exaggerated reaction than others.
The Definition of Suffering is Wishing Things Weren’t the Way They Are
What Can You Do Instead?
Thoughts occur. The mind thinks; that’s what it does, so wishing thoughts away is a fruitless desire at best. Therefore, the common advice given to someone who is ruminating —to simply stop thinking —is useless.
Anything you fight against fights against you. However, overthinking is usually inconvenient and incredibly uncomfortable, and you can break free from its grip without suffering more.
First, notice that you are overthinking/ruminating when you’re in the midst. The first step of climbing out of the rabbit hole is realizing you’re in it.
Then, try being curious about what you’re ruminating on. Hold it lightly; observe it from all sides and angles like an interesting painting or a plant on a high stool in the middle of a room.
This step is really important; accept that it (overthinking) is here. Accepting it doesn’t mean you like it, but it is here after all. Acceptance is the first step in transforming the situation. Once you accept it, you can more easily shift your attention to what you’d rather be experiencing: a more settled mind.
What you focus on grows, so focus your attention on slow, deep breathing and what you feel grateful for. It’s amazing how well this works.
Daily Practices That Calm Your Mind and Reduce Overthinking
Consistent, daily habits can shift the mental patterns of worry, indecision, and mental noise pollution while creating space for clarity and peace of mind.
Try these on for size:
The 5-Minute Thought River
Set a timer for 5 minutes; during which, write down all thoughts swirling through your mind. Release them onto the paper; this provides a place for your thoughts to be held, so you don’t need to keep them in your mind. You can address them later.
This releases your mind from clutching to thoughts of things that need your attention because you have acknowledged and even recorded them. Do this practice as needed.
The 90-Second Invitation
This invitation encourages individuals to stay with their emotions for 90 seconds, without following the story of why it’s happening, how it shouldn’t be happening, or why it’s so scary, enraging, or painful, or to run from them.
After 90 seconds, intentionally shift your attention towards gratitude or something else. Conveniently, most emotions dissolve after 90 seconds of feeling them, which means that your mind will naturally ease up.
The key here is to stay with your thoughts and deeply feel what you’re feeling. It builds mental resilience to allow emotions without fighting them or creating a story about their origin.
Resetting With Mindful Breathing
A simple technique you can use whenever you’re overthinking or feeling anxious is Box Breathing. Inhale deeply for 4-7 slow seconds; then hold it at the top for a few seconds. Next, as if letting the air out of a balloon, exhale very slowly for the same amount of time as the inhale (4-7 slow seconds).
Pair this with allowing air to fill your belly as you inhale through your nose, and then press your belly in as you exhale air through your nose. Keep your attention on the inhale and exhale.
This will anchor your awareness in the present moment, helping you break free from any rumination loop you may be experiencing.
Schedule In Worry Time
Naturally, we have things in our lives that need attention. Honoring our fears by allocating time each day to contemplate what to do allows the mind to relax in the present moment.
Practice “One Small Step” Thinking
Consider taking one small step at a time when resolving issues. The mind sees a step, no matter the size, as progress, and it helps to minimize the overwhelm and overthinking that come with considering all the things that need to be done.
Ask yourself, “What next step can I take?” This allows your hyper-vigilant mind to shift towards that one thing, which helps to reduce mental strain and overthinking.
Move Your Body- Move Stuck Energy
Engaging the body through physical activity interrupts rumination. Hiking, yoga, walking, dancing, stretching, or some other form, even for a short period, shifts your attention to the body, bringing you back to the present moment.
The endorphins released during exercise improve brain function, supporting a calm mind.
The Two-List Approach
Write a list of concerns you can impact, and write another of concerns you can’t. By identifying what you can positively impact and what you can’t, you’ll know where to place your attention. Focusing on what you can resolve encourages problem-solving and reduces overthinking.
Digital Detox Rituals
We live in an overstimulating world, to which devices have made a significant contribution. Having regular “off” times scheduled for devices before bed creates mental spaciousness that supports a calm mind and promotes quality sleep.
The 5-4-3-2-1 Method to Ground Yourself
Use your five senses to bring your attention to the present by:
- Naming five things you see
- Noticing four items you can touch
- Listening for three sounds
- Identifying two smells
- Recognizing one taste
By focusing on your immediate experience, the grasp overthinking has on you will ease.
Mindset Shifts For A Calm Mind
Changing how one thinks about thinking, problems, and emotions can positively impact overthinking; this entails shifting perspectives around “mistakes”, expectations, one’s needs, and seeking support when needed.
It’s Data- Not A Mistake
If we’re growing/evolving, that’s because we’ve made “mistakes” and learned from them. Therefore, mistakes are inevitable. That being the case, show compassion for the part of you that wants to be perfect.
Try being curious about the “mistake”; ask, “What did I learn? How can I apply what I learned in the future?”
Every “mistake” is an opportunity to expand when we accept it, take the data we gathered, and apply it. When we accept where we are, we can open to possibilities. When we resent “mistakes” or where we are, we contract- shutting down to possibilities.
When we are open and curious, we are less likely to ruminate or overthink.
Counteracting Overthinking With Gratitude
Overthinking occurs when the scales tip in the direction of worries, doubts, and frustration, all of which have fear at the root. A gratitude practice can help create balance, allowing thoughts to be more regulated.
In order to experience gratitude, settle into the present moment and then take stock of what you’re grateful for. Establishing a practice would solidify a state of gratitude because you’re training your brain to focus on what’s working; what we focus on grows.
Listing five things you’re grateful for at the end of the day in a gratitude journal or pausing to reflect on what you’re grateful for throughout the day are two simple yet effective ways of practicing gratitude.
Calming Tools For Spiraling
When you’re deep down in the rabbit hole of overthinking, having accessible tools you can use to ground yourself and settle your mind can bring immediate relief.
Identifying the need underneath the noise, naming the emotion or looping thoughts, and using the breath are incredibly useful in interrupting rumination loops and reducing stress.
Name the Need Underneath the Noise
If you’ve ever had the experience of saying or doing something that made someone upset and then got stuck on “Why did I do that? Will they forgive me? I don’t want them to be mad at me. I wish I hadn’t done that,” then you know what a fertile ground that is for overthinking.
Non-violent communication teaches us to look beneath the behaviour for the underlying need; in this case, we’re focusing on what the need is underneath the thoughts we’re rapidly firing.
If the overall feeling is “I’m not good enough”, what is the need underneath that? Is it the need to be validated, respected, accepted, or loved?
Knowing your underlying motivators can help you be more present with yourself and intentional in your actions; an absolute benefit of this is a less ruminative mind in a more settled state.
Name It and Reduce Its Charge
Often when we’re caught in a thought loop, we are desperately trying to escape the thoughts that further entrench us in the loop because whatever we run from chases us.
Interestingly enough, if we stop, face it, and name it, we reduce the charge of it. You might be trying to sleep or do something still, like meditate, and a loop may form. Notice the need, emotion, or thought that keeps running through your mind in overthinking, and then name it.
Planning often shows up for me; I say, “Planning is here.” Usually, just acknowledging what is here will take the steam out of it, while running will cause it to dog you.
Breathe or Tap
I mentioned Box Breathing above, where you slowly breathe in, hold it at the top, and then slowly exhale for an equal amount of time. This serves to regulate the nervous system, bringing calm throughout the mind and body.
Another very effective tool is Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) because you tap on the meridian points in the body with your fingertips while stating distressing themes, followed by affirmations.
For example, “Even though I feel insecure about my position in the company, I deeply and completely love myself.”
Both methods help us bring our attention to the present moment, relieving overthinking.
You do not have to be plagued by overthinking or rumination. First, observe that you’re caught in a thought loop. Stop fighting, so it doesn’t fight back. Accept where you are. Then apply one of the many techniques or strategies offered to bring your thinking back into balance and settle your mind.
Frequently Asked Questions
What’s a good way to calm a busy mind before bed?
Preemptively, having an hour or two of no tech before bed is a great idea; distressing news or correspondence before bed can trigger overthinking and rumination, impeding a good night’s sleep.
If your mind is busy overthinking or ruminating, try the breathing exercise mentioned above or another, and/or a short meditation; these will help you center in the present, which in turn calms a busy mind.
Do you have any tips for when I’m stressing out about relationships too much?
When you say “too much”, there is judgment there. Be careful not to dismiss what you are experiencing. Investigating stress can provide you with helpful data.
I invite you to consider your experiences from a nonviolent communication perspective. What is the need you have beneath the stress? Once you understand the need, you can determine the best course of action.
If this is interrupting your sleep or clouding your thinking, try a deep breathing exercise, meditation, or one of the other centering and calming methods mentioned above.
What do I do when I can’t stop thinking about someone?
You cannot stop the mind from thinking. Explore what emotion comes up when you think of the person. Then invite that emotion in. Allow that emotion and just sit with it.
Allowing and inviting acknowledges what’s already there (love, concern, worry) to just be; in doing this, you’ll find it takes the charge out of the thing. Stop resisting, allow, invite, and continue on with your life.
How do I deal with feeling anxious?
When we feel anxious, we are in our heads and probably considering all the “what-ifs”. Feeling grounded in the body can really help alleviate feelings of anxiety.
Deep breathing, EFT (tapping), and Mindfulness practices are very effective in helping us to regulate anxiety. Consider a regular Mindfulness practice, such as meditation, to encourage a more regulated system.
What are the signs of overthinking or ruminating?
You may be overthinking if you’re: finding it difficult to go to sleep or have poor sleep quality because your mind is spinning; replaying a situation, conversation, or interaction over and over again.
Also, you may be feeling stuck in a thought loop that you feel you can’t get out of; experiencing increased frustration or anxiety about a topic; having difficulty making decisions.
